Grief Guilt!

Not sure how to call it but that’s the only title that could come to mind. Regardless, it’s a guilt every one that has lost a beloved parent gets to feel at some points of life.

Sometimes, even though you also did the same and didn’t realize it before loss, you get to have silly ill feelings when you see people get to do things you never had a chance to do yourself.

This is no way trying to tell anyone to stop dotting on their beloved but it’s like when someone gets the things you want to but you can’t get them yourself. You are happy for them but you still feel bad that you didn’t get it yourself. And no, you don’t have to act upon them.

Mother’s Day is almost here. I think that’s one day I am dreading. Not for anyone but myself. The way everyone posts about it and brags about their mothers is cute and nice but annoying. I kid you not, I was that person a year ago. For last Mother’s Day, I bragged about her getting better. Made a video and even got her a cute moms day cushion. Yeap, I am extra but now I don’t have much to say about it. I can brag about other peoples moms but not the way I did mine. Not the way I loved mine.

So yes, I am the wicked one in this scenario. All jealous of people doing what I used to do and throwing it in our faces. Like get a room already. Funny right? But only the one that has gone through it will get it.

And not just Mother’s Day. My sunshine always has moments when his mom gets to his last nerve. I remember those. I kind of miss them too. Weird right? But sometimes I want to tell him to treasure them but that would be guilt tripping him because we all know mothers can be annoying sometimes. Yet, I envy that part of his life that I don’t have anymore.

When people post birthdays and all. I know it’s annoying to anyone that has lost a person who has a similar relationship to what we post but yes only makes sense after the loss.

Please go ahead and post, never mind me and my feelings. Such is life. I bragged about my mother while I still had her. Don’t feel the need not to brag about yours while you still have her.

And not just mothers, also, children, spouses, fathers, siblings. For whoever you have lost that was quite special and you are human enough to feel the same, don’t feel guilty. It’s ok. Just don’t act on them. I know it brings back bitter sweet memories but you will get through it.

Happy Mother’s Day in heaven maaa. I, we miss you that much since you have been gone.